A beautiful sister friend of mine has been relishing in the joy of pre-marriage festivities for the past few months and I've had the good fortune to be present among all the bliss. During the pre-wedding occasions up to, and including, the wedding reception (a lovely affair if I do say so myself) a dear couple has been hinting at a potential dating partner. It began with, "are you single and interested in meeting a good looking, intelligent and witty British man?"
Thinking, "hell yes," my actual response was, "I'm open but neutral, also I have a tendency to speak in a British accent when I hear one." This is not my most charming quality as I am sure David from Chamonix can attest...and all the other guests who were constantly in ear shot of my loud passionate vocal expressions.
After the recommendation by top notch folks that I should meet this single British man I did what any girl in her right mind would do. I facebook stalked him. To my utter vulnerability and insecurity he was handsome, clever and made me laugh out loud...his FB page did not have the privacy settings my often over-cautious (but not in this case) sister insists upon. Immediately I felt like I wasn't ready to meet what seemed to be a stellar man and went into that old uncomfortable insecure place.
Nothing came of the initial set-up idea so I tried to just let it go and get my focus back. I was doing so well before this...happy as ever following my career path and inspiration. Then the wedding came and all the love, spaghetti and wine, combined with another mention of British man sent me into further head games and determination. I began toying with the thought of taking matters into my own hands but first I deliberately asked my angel guides for their guidance. On the car ride home from the wedding weekend I turned off the music and asked out loud, "angel guides, should I take the risk and make contact?" My mom called as the question left my lips filling to void of the care and I answered phone in my charming British accent, "Ell-O Mummy!"
Hmmmm....did I do that or did the angels? I'm gonna need a more obvious sign here. Taking control of the situation once again I made my dinner guests be my angel guides. With their support I formulated a clever FB message introduction and a non-coincedental meet-up invitation. Then I waited. And waited. And felt fat and ugly, stupid and anxious and unworthy... (And let's be honest, self-rejection is the most damaging kind. Luckily I got over it with some assistance from relationship cards and supportive peeps. I am not proud that I still go there sometimes but it feels good to recognize and now how to get out.)
48 hours later the "ping" of my phone, unlike the 32 other disappointing times, was finally his response. It was lengthy so I had a bad feeling from the start. Basically it was a "thanks but I am still working on myself" deal. It was eloquently written for fb standards. Full of integrity, authenticity and thoughtfulness. Just the thing to piss a girl off and make her want you even more. He closed it with, "I do hope I meet you sometime soon in an entirely coincidental fashion". (Here is where I had a few days of clarity in my current self-awareness and relationship desires... This enlightenment took me to a whole new dimension- I even emailed an ex out of the blue to make amends of sorts. What can I say? The British have always inspired me. My favorite movie is "Love Actually". I try to pick outfits that I could imagine Katherine Duchess of Cambridge approving.)
Back to back girl's nights grounded into my reality and I began to settle my questioning mind and heart. Here's where it gets interesting...
On my way to dinner tonight I was discussing the idea of adopting a dog with another sister friend. She suggested I make a list of the qualities I wanted in the dog and send it to the adoption agency. Then they would let me know when a dog was available. The right dog would come at the right time. Prior to this conversation, in the course of 4 hours, I had the spontaneous idea to get a doddle and actually considered spending upwards of $1500 on a puppy I could get delivered in one week. I think we know where this is going....realizing it was just my instant gratification wanting to be fulfilled, I called the woman who can effectively save me from myself. So- medium size, non-shedding, adult, trained, chilled out, cuddly. That's my dog desire list. Done. Easy peasy.
Dinner tonight infused me with red wine, pizza and the laughter of girlfriends. Our final conversation topic- The Brit, or lack thereof. As I walked towards the door I gave myself permission to hope for something sweet with a good man even if it's one I hardly know and may never meet. What's the harm in having a little faith?... When I looked up from my internal dialogue he was walking towards me. Two feet away, instantly with out a doubt I recognized him and called his name. We hugged, had a brief exchange of words and wished the other a good night followed by a few cordial fb messages. AHhhhhhhhhhh....I hear angels singing. No idea what is next here...maybe a golden doodle.
Wishing you faith in love and life,
Uptown Girl
ps- Mollie, the horn is not so forlorn
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