...bites the dust.
After some pondering, self reflection and good ol' fashioned girl time (aka: Bitch Fest. Thank goodness for my sisters that help open my eyes to what I can't always see and feel free to say the words I don't always feel comfortable saying about men who will remain unnamed...eckhem).
I tried over the past week to think of a clever, eloquent and respectful way to express in blog format the end of my Mac & Cheese adventures. But people, it didn't really end that way. It was mostly a mixture of confusion, ambivalence, poor form and (to quote Mac) "asshole behavior". He is NOT an asshole. Up until now he has been a mostly respectful, fun, and giving man. I don't believe someones actions make them who they are, it just makes me not want to share time with them. But I digress...
A curious sick excuse ending a date early; decreased quantity and quality of texting led to the phone call, "Let's take a breather and plan for dinner next week." That was two weeks ago and there has been no communication from him to date. Excuse me, there was one text after 5 days sans communication. It basically read, "Are you traveling today or toiling away like the rest of us non-bankers?" (Is it sad that I have that memorized? Ummm...kinda.) I responded with an equally ambivalent text and then...nothing. (Just in case he had suffered serious injury or illness preventing him from communication I took the stalker liberty of seeing if he had any updates on facebook. Rest assured he is alive and well.) In an attempt to be decent and respectful of the time we shared I called Mac to put a sweet closure on things. I have successfully, or maybe more unsuccessfully, made closure with his voicemail. Awesome. Seriously? Seriously.
The most frustrating part about this is the lack of control and then self doubt I create in my head. And then hindsight sets in, damn it's 20/20 vision. The red, yellow and orange flags are all crystal clear now. A part of me recognized them early on, my gut gave me the "uh oh feeling" but I tucked them away as usual. I am beginning to see a pattern here. Step 1: Date a nice guy for 6 months, break up with him, he cries. Step 2: Date a no-so awesome guy for a month or two, he fades away leaving me confused. And repeat steps 1 and 2 two more times. On a positive note- my future is lookin' bright! Up next is a nice guy but this time I am manifesting something more! He may cry, I may cry. But not of a broken heart. Instead it will be from a sweet knowing that we are each others partner in life. Watch out people. Mac did often say, on more than one self deprecating occasion, "Date me and you are sure to meet your husband. Every woman I date marries the next guy she meets." Bring it.
In the mean time I will continue to enjoy this life, the expectancy of what is to come and have a little time to fill up with love and faith in me again. It is doubtful that I will sign back on to Match in the near future, but do not fret ye fine readers, I have much to post about lessons learned. It will be an intermezzo, if you will, until the next date. (I did have the opportunity to meet a fine gentlemen thanks to a group set up by sweet friends. I am not sure what if anything will come of it but he gives me faith that there are good ones out there. And some of them can even cook! With local produce!)
This blog began with appreciating the value of a dollar, eight hundred forty of them to be exact. I greatly value all the fun times I had with Mac. It was lovely being courted and swept away. Let's be honest, he was good blogging material. But as it goes in dating when the dust settled and reality kicked in we just weren't life path partner material for each other.
To Mac, good luck with your search ;)
I have a mirror that says "Loving oneself is the beginning of a life long romance." Amen. May you all have that kind of lifelong love and more.
Much love,
Your Uptown Girl
Total: Still $205
(I have recalled some past Match dates that may just bring that balance down to the double digits...one being the original "Fry Guy". Next time ladies.)
© Uptown Girl 2011
