'ell-O Mummy!

A beautiful sister friend of mine has been relishing in the joy of pre-marriage festivities for the past few months and I've had the good fortune to be present among all the bliss.  During the pre-wedding occasions up to, and including, the wedding reception (a lovely affair if I do say so myself) a dear couple has been hinting at a potential dating partner.  It began with, "are you single and interested in meeting a good looking, intelligent and witty British man?"

Thinking, "hell yes," my actual response was, "I'm open but neutral, also I have a tendency to speak in a British accent when I hear one." This is not my most charming quality as I am sure David from Chamonix can attest...and all the other guests who were constantly in ear shot of my loud passionate vocal expressions.

After the recommendation by top notch folks that I should meet this single British man I did what any girl in her right mind would do.  I facebook stalked him.  To my utter vulnerability and insecurity he was handsome, clever and made me laugh out loud...his FB page did not have the privacy settings my often over-cautious (but not in this case) sister insists upon.  Immediately I felt like I wasn't ready to meet what seemed to be a stellar man and went into that old uncomfortable insecure place.

Nothing came of the initial set-up idea so I tried to just let it go and get my focus back.  I was doing so well before this...happy as ever following my career path and inspiration.  Then the wedding came and all the love, spaghetti and wine, combined with another mention of British man sent me into further head games and determination.  I began toying with the thought of taking matters into my own hands but first I deliberately asked my angel guides for their guidance.  On the car ride home from the wedding weekend I turned off the music and asked out loud, "angel guides, should I take the risk and make contact?"  My mom called as the question left my lips filling to void of the care and I answered phone in my charming British accent, "Ell-O Mummy!"

Hmmmm....did I do that or did the angels? I'm gonna need a more obvious sign here. Taking control of the situation once again I made my dinner guests be my angel guides. With their support I formulated a clever FB message introduction and a non-coincedental meet-up invitation.  Then I waited.  And waited.  And felt fat and ugly, stupid and anxious and unworthy... (And let's be honest, self-rejection is the most damaging kind. Luckily I got over it with some assistance from relationship cards and supportive peeps. I am not proud that I still go there sometimes but it feels good to recognize and now how to get out.)

48 hours later the "ping" of my phone, unlike the 32 other disappointing times, was finally his response.  It was lengthy so I had a bad feeling from the start.  Basically it was a "thanks but I am still working on myself" deal. It was eloquently written for fb standards.  Full of integrity, authenticity and thoughtfulness.  Just the thing to piss a girl off and make her want you even more.  He closed it with, "I do hope I meet you sometime soon in an entirely coincidental fashion". (Here is where I had a few days of clarity in my current self-awareness and relationship desires...  This enlightenment took me to a whole new dimension- I even emailed an ex out of the blue to make amends of sorts. What can I say?  The British have always inspired me.  My favorite movie is "Love Actually". I try to pick outfits that I could imagine Katherine Duchess of Cambridge approving.)

Back to back girl's nights grounded into my reality and I began to settle my questioning mind and heart.  Here's where it gets interesting...

On my way to dinner tonight I was discussing the idea of adopting a dog with another sister friend.  She suggested I make a list of the qualities I wanted in the dog and send it to the adoption agency.  Then they would let me know when a dog was available.  The right dog would come at the right time.  Prior to this conversation, in the course of 4 hours, I had the spontaneous idea to get a doddle and actually considered spending upwards of $1500 on a puppy I could get delivered in one week.  I think we know where this is going....realizing it was just my instant gratification wanting to be fulfilled, I called the woman who can effectively save me from myself.  So- medium size, non-shedding, adult, trained, chilled out, cuddly. That's my dog desire list.   Done. Easy peasy.

Dinner tonight infused me with red wine, pizza and the laughter of girlfriends.  Our final conversation topic- The Brit, or lack thereof.  As I walked towards the door I gave myself permission to hope for something sweet with a good man even if it's one I hardly know and may never meet. What's the harm in having a little faith?...  When I looked up from my internal dialogue he was walking towards me. Two feet away, instantly with out a doubt I recognized him and called his name.  We hugged, had a brief exchange of words and wished the other a good night followed by a few cordial fb messages.  AHhhhhhhhhhh....I hear angels singing.  No idea what is next here...maybe a golden doodle.

Wishing you faith in love and life,

Uptown Girl


ps- Mollie, the horn is not so forlorn

August 28th, 2012

Buzzing at the Newark Airport during a 5 hour layover.  Mostly because this adventure is really happening and because I checked my mail right before leaving home.  To may dismay I had a letter from the collections agency stating that I was expected to pay the cost of that phantom plane ticket I never intended to purchase.  Instead of getting too worked up...okay, so maybe I had to have a mini counseling sesh with mom on the way to the airport, but by the time my bags were checked I decided the letter and any anxiety it delivered would stay in the states until I returned from across the sea.

Somebody somewhere said, "wherever you go, there you are."  Here I am in all my life-is-an-awesome-journey glory sitting in the Newark airport when I get the first call from the collector.  Dun, dun duuuuuun. It may be my collection agency ignorance or numerous calls to insurance agencies for work, but somehow I get the nerve to kindly tell the lady on the other end that I will not be paying for anything at this moment and that I will be discussing it with my lawyer.  I hang up and freak out. (When I freak out I call everyone I know to get help.) First my mom, then I call my accountant/attorney...Blah blah blah. After a 30 min chat we decided I should just pay it when I get home. Begrudgingly that settled it- Now let's go to France!

An in-flight movie, meal and restless plane sleep lands me in Geneva the next morning.  I remember feeling out of place and overwhelmed even in the airport while waiting for my express bus to the Chalet.  I wander the hall looking for a cafe or shop I can feel comfortable going in and chilling for the next hour.  After much internal dialogue and anxiety I finally decide to just sit my butt on the floor, eat my packed snack and read until pick up time.  This, "sit your butt down," method has a familiar ring to it. Some past mantra or...hmmmm. Ah ha!...That good ol' "Sit. Stay" of my Mac&Cheese days.  They say life is just one opportunity after another to learn the same lesson. They be right. This time the anxiety was less about sexual desires but the method of coping was the same. I find out later that I will get some more practice when I have a mini existential crisis in Florence.

Five hours later, the ChamExpress lands me at the chalet and into the welcoming arms of my yoga instructor and lovely British Host. Surrounded by the exquisite French alps anxiety and stress become like childhood wounds long forgotten (but never far).  We will call said British Host, "Love Bug".  It only took 24 hours for me to start speaking with a loud British accent. Which is about 1/2 the time it took my roomie to find another kind of love with Mr. Love Bug.  Let's be honest though, who could resist a man with a British accent and popped collar making you fresh croissants every morning with nutella. God bless him.

Rain is in the forecast but my first day in the clean air of the french alps, walking the river path and dining on wine and cheese makes me think I may just survive this life after all.  Plus, for just this weekend, there are approximately 7000 extra men in Chamonix.  To my dismay they are all jogging some ridiculous distance through rain, snow and mud without sleep for the better part of their stay.   It's the North Face Ultra Trail and the gentlemen are ultra fit and ultra type A. (We all know where that has gotten me in the past). I did enjoy cheering on those that did the "mini trail", 80km/8000 meters up and down. That's about 2 marathons, which is two too many for this chic.

There is fresh snow on the higher peaks that line the valley.  Breathing the air makes me realize I haven't taken a fresh breath of air since my last trip to Boulder.  It's clean and crisp and beacons me to become an alpine chalet owner/retreat assistant for life.  Pretty much the place is heaven and I could be happy to stay forever, or until it gets to cold. Unless, of course, a man comes along to warm me through the winter season, then I'm in for life.  Tomorrow is the real love affair- my first taste of Italia!  


Ciao Bellas!

Love,
Uptown Girl

AHHHHHHHHH!

I am leaving on a jet plane at 9:12am tomorrow morning!  Chamonix bound wearing chacos and red nail polish.  All "protective gear" packed and ready for the adventures ahead.

No matter what these next few weeks bring I have had the most fun planning and dreaming with my closest girl friends and family.  All the words of wisdom and essential unessentials I have received have left me more prepared to take this journey...and more loved than ever.

Some words of inspiration that I hope work for you too:

"First and foremost, have fun on this adventure in your life.  Next, please be careful while on this fabulous journey.  Listen to your intuition.  Remember, if you shall meet a special someone while  there, that traveling is hard for me so he will have to come to Nashville to meet, greet and marry.  Seriously,  you will be amazed at what you uncover about yourself on this path that God has planned for you so be open and hold yourself in loving kindness always.  Ok...enough already!  Have the time of your LIFE!!"
-a second mother

"You deserve to be pursued, go receive the affections of an Italian man. And ride a vespa with one!"
-good ole man friend

"Bone a french man."
-insightful Ex-boyfriend

Today I got one more counseling sesh in to ground myself before flying the friendly skies.  Thank you wise mentor for reminding me that beyond consumption of gelato what I want is to have an experience of surprise, adventure, confidence and self trust.  

Here we go!  Can't wati to share this with you all!!

So much love!
Buona notte signorinas

uptowngirl

You say condoms, she says taser...I say vibrator

I cherish having friends and family that come from different backgrounds and ways of life.  It helps during moments of trial and tribulations to have a variety of folks to call on for support.  Even if I inadvertently call on those who will give me the answer I want regarding the issue at hand.  Traveling to Italy seems to be similar to any life changing event (weddings, babies, etc)- people have their opinions and want to share them...lovingly, of course.  So that brings me to my current delimma.  Do I take the condoms or the taser?  My hope was that when my sister told me she wanted to give me something for my trip that it would be something pretty.  A "Lipstick Stun-Gun" was totally unexpected yet appropriate coming from my protective big sis. There is a lot of love in that taser.  However I am the type who would do better with the protection and preparedness of a travel size vibrator at this point. Not that I have an aversion to physical expression of love, I just like there to be some true emotion and lower risk of getting an international STD. Despite suggestions from savvy world travelers I still say that I will not be kissing any men abroad. So unless a condom or electroshock can protect me from carb overload I think I will be safe without either. Then again my mantra is to stay present and open to what life offers..."that which feels good to your soul is always the right answer". 

 

Travel update-

The travel agent has responded to my letter with a slightly unprofessional email or two and threat of collectors. But I remain comfortable with where I stand on the issue and will let it rest until further notice (of being served).

In a moment of inspiration last week I changed my Florence travels to another farm stay.  This time in Siena Tuscany just outside of the walled city San Gimignano.  I chose this city because I love saying it and can't do so without expressive hand gestures.  Actually I can't say much Italian without hand gestures which is a problem when I practice Italian while riding my bike to yoga. 

 

Days til take off: 6

 

-For those keeping tabs,

Kissing sesh: 0 for 0 

 

Buona Notte,

uptowngirl

The carb count continues

It's been two days and it feels like 2 weeks of travel agency correspondence and deliberation.  I've done everything from spend hours perseverating over it with friends while consuming carbs and wine, to researching other agency websites (via a savvy friend),  to emailing a consumer advocate for advice, etc etc.  And it has come to this-  Writing a letter to the agency with the assistance of my wise mother and said savvy friend.  It is my belief that the gelato consumed pre-letter composing ensured a profound correspondence. There was magic in the moment as we (read: they) composed a letter stating the facts and only the facts.  For good measure I stamped with a "Justice" stamp. Signed, sealed, delivered, check enclosed for service fee, namaste. Moving on...to France and Italy 2012!  After all this drama I am decidedly open to accepting the affections of Italian men and gelato equally.  It just seems like the right thing to do. Watching "Under The Tuscan Sun" tonight made it obvious. 

Speaking of namaste...you know that climbing/yoga fella I was dating a while back?  Did you know that once during our dating time I made a kind gesture of inviting him to my weekly yoga class? True story.  This yoga class is my sacred space where I fill up after a long week with a bff and her hubby at my side while our A-mazing instructor leads us into sweaty vinyasa bliss. Last Sunday was the first Sunday after the break-up that he has not attended the class. Seriously. Talk about being present and not allowing the disruptive and often narcissistic environment around you to disturb your inner yoga flow. Interesting how his presence actually doesn't throw me off but when a new handsome male attends class I can't balance in tree pose for the life of me. Every time I am in downward dog I sneak a peek. That's the kind of distraction I welcome in my sanctuary. Om Shanti. Namaste.

Shout out- to my savvy friend, mother, and guides that supported me through the travel agent lesson.  The yoga retreat leader says there is always a learning experience right before a retreat begins.  Lesson learned- Wait. Waaaait. Do not react immediately, get the facts and stand up for what feels true for you. Planning to practice during my travels abroad, especially when it comes to men, food and Italian leather goods.

Much love,

uptowngirl

Shitters-

I started my trip countdown with my first blog post in a super long time.  I have been meaning to send it but flight reservations and sleepless nights of thinking what to pack have made me slow.  Today, I learned that this adventure will start similarly to my match dating adventure:  ie- I once again unitentionally spent 800+ dollars.  This time it was on airfare.  That's right folks, I now have 2 roundtrip flight tickets for my France-Italy trip.  Unfortunately they are both in my name and for the same dates.  Shit, I say.  Then I remember we are all spiritual beings having a human experience and if this is my growth opportunity for the month of August, so be it.  But still, shit.  Seriously?

 

Here is how I meant this communication to commence:

 

Finding the love...
...One, eh make that 100, carbs at a time.

Caio bellas!  This single gal is Italia bound but not before she does a little yoga retreating in the French Alps for good measure.

Currently my heart sits in that sweet post-breakup spot where it is not yet longing and/or lusting for another man.  A perfect time to travel!

Italy has been written on my desire list for the past 3 years.  Every new year "travel to Italy" is on the list again right alongside “meet LPP”.  My excuse for delaying a trip was either timing, money or relationships.  First I wanted to be single in Italy so I could be free to accept the affection of an Italian man.  Then I decided that I didn’t have to be single to enjoy Italy.  Now that my ticket (correction- 2 tickets) has been purchased I am decidedly content to travel single and without the affections of an Italian.  In fact I am more excited to have a love affair with the food and wine.  Mostly I am planning to do the Eat part of Eat, Pray Love.

My journey abroad will begin late August when I land in Chamonix France to assist with a 9 day yoga retreat.  By yoga retreat I mean starting the day with relaxing blissful yoga followed by breakfast in the chalet prepared by our british love-bear of a host.  Followed by a daily adventure such as glacier hiking, white water rafting, rock climbing, chocolate eating or spending the day at an Italian spa.  Dinners will be prepared by our authentic Indian chef or 4 course preparing vegetarian chef. 

So that’s the first course.  Then a long train ride will take me through Milano to the town of Monterosso al Mare in Cinque Terre Italy.  I am jealous of myself (less now that I spent 800+ uncessary buck-a-roos).  But in all seriousness I am nervous-excited for this trip.  Like dating a man I fear my expectations will not be met.  I will be traveling solo in Italy so really the pressure is only on me.  At least in this relationship I have control over how I react and experience myself- when I remember that truth.  A truth I realize now after typing it that must exist while in relationship with any person, place or event.  I always have control over myself.

Hmmmm...I am beginning to think this trip might have more to do with self growth beyond what I prepared initally.

The count down begins. 

Goal 1: sleep through the night with out fretting about what to pack
Goal 2: stay single just in case I decide that I do in fact want to accept Italian affections

Goal 3: try not to by another flight for the same trip before I leave
Fondly,

up town girl

2012

So far I have been on zero dates, that's right, zero dates in this new year of the dragon.  Unless you count one painfully long gmail chat and one impromptu "parking" experience.  The parking was actually pretty sweet since I never got the opportunity when I was 16.  My teen years were pretty tame (hell my 20's were pretty tame) and I have been considering taking this opportunity to make up for lost time.   "Seven minutes in heaven" would be next on my to-do list if my subconscious hadn't decided to redefine the meaning of "enjoy time with some men".  It turns out I am not qualified for meaningless make-out sessions and I'm not sure why I thought that equated to "enjoy time with meb".  A rare and fabulous revelation leading me to far better things.  Starting with me.

What I am really looking for is more than some hanky panky because let's be honest, dawning my footed onsie and watching a romantic comedy satisfies me more than any man has in a while.   So I am back on the straight and narrow, in the zone, eye on the prize if you will.  Turns out I am behind the times, my girlfriends started 2012 way ahead of me (they are scientists so they are really smart and stuff)...

One is positive she saw my life path partner in her 6am yoga class.  I have been going to 6am yoga twice a week since and I saw him once...several weeks ago.  I have no doubt he will be back in February and in the mean time I am perfecting my powerful warrior pose.  Namaste.  Another friend thinks she met my LPP at the climbing gym.  When I joined eharmony back in my younger years my tag line was "Looking to meet a quality man who can teach me to rock climb."  I purchased my climbing shoes and harness this afternoon from a nice looking salesmen...who assisted me with the harness expertly I might add.  It pays to be an REI member.  The extra sweet part about this love finding mission is that I have fallen in love with yoga and climbing.  But best of all is the quality time with my soul sistas. 

Shit I say to men:
"Be vulnerable enough to make the call."
"Do you have that belaying device in purple?  Then it would match my shoes." (he went to the back to check before I could ask, "Want to Co-Op with me? " or quietly whisper "I'd belay you.")
"I am not looking for a guy who just wants to bone me."
"Read my blog, if you are still interested write a comment or call me."  I actually said this to a lovely gentlemen tonight at the bowling alley.  Men in bowling shoes...I can't resist.

2012 is going to be a good year.  I can feel it.

Love,
uptown girl

PS-
Climbing membership: $100
Climbing gear: $145
20 session yoga card: $200
Hmmm....
meeting the man of your dreams? (Better happen damn it!)


© Uptown Girl 2012